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No title for this one.

// February 8th, 2010 // No Comments » // life

Had a very good sleep (the meds the doctor prescribed me knocked me out for a good 12 hours, twice). Fever is gone, headache’s gone. I woke up fresh and relaxed. Thanks Dr., I like your clinic btw.

In the light of recent event, I admit that I’ve wronged my housemates. For that there’s nothing I can say except I’m sorry. For the curious, sorry dear friends, I’d like to keep this to myself please. I have been selfish and inconsiderate, that I only realized recently. I will keep my self invisible as much as possible around the house for the time being. That’s the only thing that I can think of at the moment that I can do to say I’m sorry.

Let me tell you about my housemates. I’ve never blogged about them, haven’t I? Not once. Well I’ve been staying with them for 2 years now. Kak Yatie messaged me on the phone on the availability of the room. I quickly came over to have a look at the house. Physically she’s tall, fair skinned, and she always has smiles on her face whenever she’s talking to me. She’s a neat and organized person, and such a gentle human being. The way she rearranges stuff in the fridge always made me smile. She come across as a very quiet person at first but after a while, I found out that heyyy… she’s quite a talker. Sometimes, I overheard her talking on the phone in her northern accents, just remineds me of home. There’s a high chance she’s good with the kids too since I often saw she brought her nieces over for a visit. Siti came and joined us right after I settled in. As opposed to Kak Yatie, Siti has a strong character. Fair skinned and is of chinese descendant, she’s one emotional person, and opiniated one at that too. She cracks jokes most of the time, sometimes even without her realizing it. She’s honest and she can be the light of a party. Both of them like to have a good laugh, make fun of tv shows, share the same interests. That’s how I’d describe them. We’re not that close but yes they are good people.

Anyway, while I’m sad at the way things have happened, I can’t help myself getting upset too. You know when people get angry and the say all this hurtful things to you? It is bound to happen no matter what and in my case there’s no exception. That’s why I prefer a more calmer, diplomatic way of approaching issues. I know that if I break out I’ll say all those things I’ll regret later. People are going to get hurt.

As wrong as I may be to you, it doesn’t give you the right to judge me, who I am or who I am going to be. More importantly, it certainly doesn’t give you the right to insult my friends. You have no idea to what length these people has gone for me. Insulting them is like insulting me.

A private person that I am, I only share minor details randomly with people. Somehow, people manage to connect the dots. While it may be true, it also may be wrong. When it’s wrong it hurts.

Did I deserve to be yelled and shouted at? Yes, because I made a mistake. Talking bad about my friends? No.

I understand all is said while in anger, but I’m a human nevertheless. After all is done, I only believe in a more calmer approach to all of world problems. It may not solve the problem, but it won’t create new ones unnecessarily.

I have been thinking to sit with them and talk this through. But I’m having second thought. After weighing the options, maybe not.

What a nice day to begin with, reading these lines

// January 27th, 2010 // No Comments » // guides, life

Got it from forwarded email. It made me feel good at where I am now. Anything better, it’s a privilege. Anything less, I don’t feel like I’ll lose anything. I already have what I want.

Siapakah orang yang sibuk? Orang yang sibuk adalah orang yang tidak mengambil berat akan waktu solatnya seolah-olah ia mempunyai kerajaan seperti kerajaan Nabi Sulaiman a.s

Siapakah orang yang manis senyumanya? Orang yang mempunyai senyuman yang manis adalah orang yang ditimpa musibah lalu dia kata “Inna lillahi wainna illaihi rajiuun.” Lalu sambil berkata,”Ya Rabbi Aku redha dengan ketentuanMu ini”, sambil mengukir senyuman.

Siapakah orang yang kaya? Orang yang kaya adalah orang yang bersyukur dengan apa yang ada dan tidak lupa akan kenikmatan dunia yang sementara ini.

Siapakah orang yang miskin? Orang yang miskin adalah orang tidak puas dengan nikmat yang ada sentiasa menumpuk-numpukkan harta.

Siapakah orang yang rugi? Orang yang rugi adalah orang yang sudah sampai usia pertengahan namun masih berat untuk melakukan ibadat dan amal-amal kebaikan…

Siapakah orang yang paling cantik? Orang yang paling cantik adalah orang yang mempunyai akhlak yang baik.

Siapakah orang yang mempunyai rumah yang paling luas? Orang yang mempunyai rumah yang paling luas adalah orang yang mati membawa amal-amal kebaikan di mana kuburnya akan di perluaskan saujana mata memandang.

Siapakah orang yang mempunyai rumah yang sempit lagi dihimpit? Orang yang mempunyai rumah yang sempit adalah orang yang mati tidak membawa amal-amal kebaikkan lalu kuburnya menghimpitnya…

Siapakah orang yang mempunyai akal? Orang yang mempunyai akal adalah orang-orang yang menghuni syurga kelak kerana telah mengunakan akal sewaktu di dunia untuk menghindari siksa neraka..

Siapakah org yg KEDEKUT ? Orang yg kedekut ialah org yg membiar atau membuang email ini begitu sahaja, malah dia tidak menyampaikan pula pada org lain.

I’m on semester break!

// January 21st, 2010 // 2 Comments » // life

I suddenly found this huge amount of time. I mean really HUGE. I have week nights and weekends free. Well maybe not to you, but it is that huge if you’re studying part time. I was so used to worry about assignments and studying every moment every day, now for the next 3 months I am free! So I’ve been this free only for a week, I got my room cleaned up – got it into much neater state (heh) by bringing in 3 new proper furnitures – a bed, a study table and a wardrobe. Now everything is in its place and happy.

I’m not going to take pictures of my room (sorry Kak Watiey heheh) – it’s such a sacred place for me. But they are very similar like these, except mine all in dark wood colour:

Ok that’s done and now last night I started looking at Django + PostgreSQL + Python in general. Was kinda slow, I have this habit of looking too far ahead (maybe it’s thinking too much) so I was worried that I would ruin my laptop in the future by blindly install everything inside. Typical woman? Being paranoid of nothing? Yea jumping in too early is not my thing, I’m scared if anything goes wrong. Laptop dies, application breaks, stuff happens yes I know but I don’t want it to be because I didn’t do my best to prevent it from happening.

Anyway, yea I’m embracing this temporary new found freedom – will put it to good use. Was so tempting to watch TV (I LOVE WATCHING TV – enough said) at nights but like my mom says “TV will be there forever waiting for you, go do something else better” so no worries there. Besides, I like programming. It’s like a drug. I remember Harish Pillay said during FOSS.my 2009, “How do you think an author wins an award for his/her book? He/She probably reads alot of other books to write it. So, how do you be good in programming? You read alot of codes.”

I love that man.

I’ve had pretty good lecturers so far at UKM

// December 18th, 2009 // No Comments » // life

Now that I’ve just found out the thing that we’re supposed to submit tomorrow is now postponed to next week, I’m taking a moment to write about my 4 lecturers I’ve had so far and my whole experience being a in grad school here.

Semester I
The conditions of the class were pretty common and just above tolerable. No power points in sight except at the very front and the very back. When it was raining I prayed to god that I won’t die because of the cold temperature. Being in an IT faculty, taking an IT course, but no wifi? The ones they had was the prepaid ones. I couldn’t be bothered to search for any open shops in campus that’s open on Saturdays. Being one of the research university, free wifi should be available to all staff and students! Unless I need that rare publications, I can pretty much do anything on the internet.

Dr. Md Jan taught Data Structures (we got to know trees). He’s a considerate person. It’s a very straightforward paper, like Maths, that I loved it! He’s always open for discussions, jovial and committed. I like him because he made use of internet in his lectures. He’s current. He let us choose our own programming language for his assignments. Being an open source person, that’s freedom of choice and I liked it.

Prof. Patel taught Computer Network. I just couldn’t bring myself to like this paper. It felt like out of this world. He came across as someone who teaches just to pay the rent. Nothing’s wrong there of course, it just felt ordinary. I couldn’t understand his assignments, I did it just to pass the test. Network is something that I don’t wish to dwell in so much.

Semester 2
Hey the classroom looks so much better. New floor, new chairs so I the chilling problem gone. They set up power points! And there’s wifi! Applaudable effort for me even though it’s not stable all the time but the thought is there. Keep it up!

Dr. Salwani teaches Software Engineering. Her expertise is in AI but she used to be a developer so it’s actually captivating to listen to her lectures (at least for me coz I can relate). She used real life scenarios and real life problems & solutions. I think she’s well respected in her field to other academicians in Malaysia. She’s got a thing with open source that I’m not so comfortable with (from past experience maybe?). She’s tough and kinda strict but lacks a bit in managing assignments deadlines. We have 2 assignments still not sure of the deadlines. I think my classmates wish she would just take back the those 2 since other one we’ve been doing is quite huge!

Dr. Azura teaches Advanced Artificial Intelligent. She’s one of the top AI researchers along with Dr. Salwani, although her interest is in data mining. The work they’ve done, I mean, seriously, big corporations should hire/consult these 2 – they can give you patterns and predict things! I am astounded that I had not looked into AI before (I studied maths doing my first degree and I though AI is very physics-like haha thanks to tv shows), that I feel those CS graduates should all work in AI industry! Don’t just program a program, program an AI program. Anyway, she’s a great person, abit chatty in the classroom although I don’t mind it since the class is 3-5pm, and a very knowlegable person.

Conclusion?
Although the lecturers have been great, I’ve had some problems with my group assignments. I like if the assignments is individual coz I don’t have to rely on others to do my work. I have no problems with working in a group, it’s just frustrating some of them like to work last minute. So I usually did my part early and trust that they would take that and continue. When it’s time to submit, it’s disheartening looking at the end result so messy and unorganized. Oh well.

Being the only programmer in the group really sucks sometimes. The group did their part, I believe as much as they could but I get the right to grumble. Non-programming assignment, I contribute to the group. When it comes to programming, only me doing it? It’s because they have already forgetten how to program. This is real, so real that it sucks being a programmer in this case.

Studying really takes a toll in your life. Your priority changes abit. Not much if you’re single, alot if you’re married. I understand my group have husbands and children to care for but it’s not good if you abandon your team on not one, but many presentation days. My advice to married women who wants to pursue study:

[1] Let everyone in your family know your intention. If you’re studying, let them know you’re studying. Your priority has changed abit. Last time you go straight to the kitchen after work 5 times a week, now you only do it 2 times a week. There’s just some routine stuff you can’t do anymore.
[2] Your husband should understand what being a grad student means. It doesn’t mean you still can be with him everytime going to everywhere, not until you finish studying. It doesn’t mean he can continue old habit of not doing anything around the house after work (just an example). You wife has other stuff to do now, give a take a little now can we? If you can’t work together, I assure you, you’re going to be staying up late every night just to catch up with the lessons.
[3] Please understand the sacrifice you have to make if you’re studying. You’re going to be tired, busy all the time and you can’t afford to be at all family occasions/kenduri kawen kawan anymore. If you’re studying, you want to be good at it and because it means something to you. If not why do it at all?

Anyway, I actually enjoy the whole period so far although I don’t have time for anything else. You want it, you have to sacrifice your time. I now know some stuff that I probably wouldn’t have known if I’m learning on my own. Granted there are times I felt like quitting – but that’s just normal I guess.

Education is not cheap these days. I should squeeze everything out of it so I get the money worth. All in all I think UKM is an ok place for me. As long as they have good lecturers, that’s the most important thing and so far I think they have pretty good ones at FTSM.

I am a quiet person

// February 26th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // life

And a very private one too. Believe it or not, I was a class clown when I was 13 for that odd 6 months of my life. I moved on after that realizing there was no fun in it. Sure I had lots of friends and it was fun in a way that I had alot of people to talk to when I felt like it but real friends was what I was looking for. Besides, I wasn’t being myself.

I have this one thing about me that bothers me alot. Sometimes it can a be a nuisance, but probably a virtue in some other different circumstances. But still it bothers me. I can be very direct with my words. Now, old friends know this very well and they put up with me everytime (I hope), which I’m very grateful for. New friends on the other hand are very hard to tackle. Usually I end up being quiet as to restrain myself from saying stuff that might hurt other people’s feelings. Or sometimes, the words escape my mouth halfway but then I stop and making up other words to finish the sentence that don’t make sense and I get these faces staring back at me. To make things worse is my natural tone of voice. If I don’t hold eye contact while conversing I swear the person I talk to would think I was mad at them for something. But like I said before, this isn’t the case with old friends.

Ok now I sound like I scold people for a living… heh!