hish!

i am so angry at you. you treat me like a princess one moment, then like a dirt the other. what you think kalau treat baik2 tu boleh cover the dirt ke? sudah la tak boleh express my marah verbally sekarang kat picc, meluap2 panas rasa nak tempik je. orang kacau lagi kiri kanan… aaarrggghhhhhh!!!!

letih nak cover, kena maintain senyum, gelak, borak cam besa. kalau maintain muka marah ni sure org lain boleh perasan something’s wrong. tensen aku.

manusia tak pikir perasaan orang lain, cakap main lepas jek. you’re not always right anyway. bila you tanya soalan, i tengah jawab, yang cut me in the middle pehal? i have no idea how your familiy stands you and your baran.

i’m just soo angry, mad, and freaking upset. and yeah, i know just what you’ll do – you’ll just distant yourself. and everything will be my fault, as always. i tak penah nye betul. like i never made you happy. what a jerk. keep that up, and you’ll end up alone.

aarrrghhh!!!

shit i cant believe i just did tthat.

Me like u so much!

The sole… hampir tertanggal… uwaa!!

I feel like crying. In this no-man-land here, cobblers are nowhere to be seen….uhuks!

And I have yet to buy that new black heels for work.

It’s not that I’m horrible, I know that I’m a good person. I know I’ve given everything, the best that I could. I hate routines but I’ve picked up things just to fit in. I’ve changed my old habit, painstakingly, and despite its slow progress, I know I’ve changed. But apparently it’s not enough. Is this just my feeling? Am I overreacting??

The truth is I’m so jealous of his friends. He can be brutally honest with them but at the same time they can laugh about it, cracking jokes, having a good time. Sometimes whenever we argue over something, I wish he speaks to me with some respect. I wish that he trust me more so he can accept my simple yet truthful explanation behind everything I did. And I wish he sees how much it hurts when he left me abruptly on the dance floor, with a mouthful of embarrassing remarks along with it, regardless of the reason. And I wish he sees how difficult it is to try smiling after all that just so he can calm down and choose to smile back at me.

I feel so low. Am I that inadequate? Don’t mind me, I’m just a sad girl right now.

Did I hurt his feelings? Maybe, yes. Did he hurt mine? Yes. Even now he is doing it. I’m starting to think he’s accustomed to get things the way he wants it. When things don’t go his way, he starts to threaten and intimidate. Baby, that’s just not the way for me.

Listen to me, look around you. Look at me. Haven’t you realized it yet I was being polite through most of our time together? Couldn’t you see it? I can’t love you that much no matter how much I tried.

And now what is this you’re doing to me? Is this a game to you? If it is, then you’ve won. Take it. If you want me to feel bad for leaving you, then feel better because yes I felt bad. I don’t want to fight you. Go away and be happy, just let me be.

Right now you’re just being mean. What I ever did to you?

Oh.

Somebody save me please.

Do I have a feeling of regret? Yes.

Do I feel like I’ve made a mistake? Yes.

I feel so bad breaking up with him, it makes me feel like I’m a bad person. He treats me well, he never hurts my feelings. He cares about me so much he always the one who gives in. The first time we argued and left me really mad, he got down on his knees asking me to forgive him.

He’s so kind to me I feel guilty not having the same feeling he has for me. And with faith being the major reason here, some things I can tolerate and some things just not. The fact that he’s been respectful just making it more difficult for me to decide.

While I believe that love can grow, I don’t think he’s going to be happy with me cause I’m not. I can’t keep on pretending anymore. So I came out and asked him for a break. I don’t know why he keeps on thinking that there’s another guy when there’s none. And he said other horrible things to me after that. I knew he was gonna get hurt but those things he said just way out of line. By the time I hung up, I was in such a mess with tears which truthfully I didn’t even notice when they started.

You see, this is such a life turning point that it made me realize maybe I’m not up for this. Maybe I’ll stay single for the rest of my life, who knows. I don’t know what the future holds for me and I don’t want to mess with it either. I’m just….
….
….
….

God knows how I feel so low.

What does it mean to you, being in a relationship? If you decide to commit to someone, does that mean you can casually hold back afterwards without reasons and reconsider? Isn’t it a good practice you do it before the decision comes out?

Does it mean while your girlfriend is absent you find your way to other girls justifying she not paying enough attention to you (konon)? Does it mean while she’s gone your status suddenly becomes single and available? Does it mean you roam freely claiming she’s ‘abandoned’ you?

Hello. I can’t devote all my hours to you. But you have my first thought in the morning and certainly the last at night. I can’t meet you as often as before but on any given day I will wait hours to see you. I may not talk sweet as others do but I do sacrifice alot on my part for you. You heard from me from time to time. We’ve been in touch like you wanted.

Okay so you can’t stand the distance.

Have the decency to talk it over with me then. If you say you still want this to happen, please mean it. If you say we’ll work things out, please be a man of your words. Why do I feel like it was only me all alone trying?

I trusted you. You have no idea how much I considered you in every decision I made. I gave you space. I believed in you. I knew it would take time but I had faith in you that sooner or later you would come along.

But no, suddenly in the middle of the night you called me up and said you’ve found someone else. And that going merisik her is already in plan. Adding more salt to the wound, you then talked about cincin. From what you sounded, it had been quite a while.

For god’s sake, I was still your girlfriend. Why couldn’t you spare my heart by breaking up with me first???? What kind of person are you?? How dare you asked me to be friends when all you do is hurt me. How wrong I was about you.

Oh god.

Go here to try it out: TEST

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On Jun 7, 2005
Nuhaa, your Super IQ score is 131

Your overall intelligence quotient is the result of a scientifically-tested formula based on how many questions you answered correctly. But it’s only part of what we learned about you from your answers on the test. We also determined the way you process information.

The way you think about things makes you a Creative Theorist. This means you are a highly intelligent, complex person. You are able to process information of nearly every kind with ease, using both creativity and analysis to make sense of the world. Compared to others you also have a very rich imagination.

How did we determine that your thinking style is that of a Creative Theorist? When we examined your test results further, we analyzed how you scored on 8 dimensions of intelligence: spatial, organizational, abstract reasoning, logical, mechanical, verbal, visual and numerical. The 3 dimensions you scored highest on combine to make you a Creative Theorist. Only 6 out of 1,000 people have this rare combination of abilities.

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On 9 Jan, 2006
Nuhaa, your IQ score is 109

Your overall intelligence quotient is the result of a scientifically-tested formula based on how many questions you answered correctly. But it’s only part of what we learned about you from your answers on the test. We also determined the way you process information.

The way you think about things makes you an Analytic Detective. This means you are an unusually talented problem-solver. You are able to think through a process step-by-step, and know how to zero in on anything that is even remotely illogical. Compared to others you are very adept at discerning numerical patterns and solving difficult equations.

How did we determine that your thinking style is that of an Analytic Detective? When we examined your test results further, we analyzed how you scored on 8 dimensions of intelligence: spatial, organizational, abstract reasoning, logical, mechanical, verbal, visual and numerical. The 3 dimensions you scored highest on combine to make you an Analytic Detective. Only 6 out of 1,000 people have this rare combination of abilities.
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*See the huge difference? I mean, seriously. I’m 22 point short. What a terrible way to start a new year. Yea yea I’ll stop complaining… hehe… not that matters much. Anyway, what a beautiful morning it is today. Drive to office was smooth. I like.