hish!

i am so angry at you. you treat me like a princess one moment, then like a dirt the other. what you think kalau treat baik2 tu boleh cover the dirt ke? sudah la tak boleh express my marah verbally sekarang kat picc, meluap2 panas rasa nak tempik je. orang kacau lagi kiri kanan… aaarrggghhhhhh!!!!

letih nak cover, kena maintain senyum, gelak, borak cam besa. kalau maintain muka marah ni sure org lain boleh perasan something’s wrong. tensen aku.

manusia tak pikir perasaan orang lain, cakap main lepas jek. you’re not always right anyway. bila you tanya soalan, i tengah jawab, yang cut me in the middle pehal? i have no idea how your familiy stands you and your baran.

i’m just soo angry, mad, and freaking upset. and yeah, i know just what you’ll do – you’ll just distant yourself. and everything will be my fault, as always. i tak penah nye betul. like i never made you happy. what a jerk. keep that up, and you’ll end up alone.

aarrrghhh!!!

shit i cant believe i just did tthat.

Time management – how important it is to me now.

I need a hair cut.

I detest the 140 character limit in identica that’s forcing me to post this. Heh.

I AM IN DIRE NEED OF A THUMBDRIVE. Why I didn’t try to get one all this while is beyond me. It’s not that expensive. I guess I was just too lazy to go these IT places alone. But oh my god do I need one. Ok before I get carried away by the absence of a tiny cheap gadget, it’s already March people! Just when I thought I still have 12 months to go…

Long break really knocks me back at work – I spent half day figuring what everyone else was doing the past week so I could write the report. And then some. Urghhh!!! Now I’m in between controllers and models, trying out to figure out what did I do last week. I hate leaving on a spur like that because I didn’t do enough mental notes to connect to when I get back to it.

It is now 3.30pm, 2 more hours I’ll rush out of here. I don’t know, sometimes it happens to people I guess. There are days when the stars are just not aligned, the moon is not so bright, the wind seems stale, etc, you get the idea. Oh well at least I get a week break which is never a bad thing. Only now I have started to realized how busy I’m going to be the rest of this year.

Already given the assignment on computer networks. I never liked networks — eeek! Binary tree and such is such a welcoming balance to this semester. I don’t really care how computers are interconnected, just get me a working one, well connected one and let me build the apps ok. You worry about setting up the infrastructure, I worry about how to store the data and manipulate them. Isn’t that sound nicer. There’s network programming paper coming up – wonder whether or not will I like it. We’ll see.

I’m rambling.

Better go now before I start saying more nonsensical stuff.

On last note: I have this sudden, an immense liking to bachata music. Just perfect to listen to at night, especially if you have that special someone. Warning: if you don’t like latin music, don’t bother. You have been warned – you are prohibited to cringe upon listening.

Song 1 – Ven Tu

Listen to it while you can, I’m going to take it down in a few days and after that you’re on your own tralalalaa ~~

The answer to this is quite obvious – open source environment. Malaysian government should have its own sourceforge where all these systems can get in there and show off. Doesn’t matter if they’re build from scratch or by using frameworks, elegant code or not, it’s supposed to be where malaysian government servants should feel comfortable at, at least as a playground for programmers in the government sector. I like the idea when other people come and see my code and suggest some new features or report bugs or better yet, submit patches. My apps will not only get better, but I get to learn too. This of course varies to each of us, some of us may be get intimidated at the idea of others who’s probably better programmers looking at our wee wee code. Some will right away jump at the opportunity to the point of annoying everyone. Some will just accept it as it is and do nothing about it. I’m sure you’ve heard this a million times: it’s the first step that counts. Here’s an advice: take that step and see where you’ll end up.

Who cares if the app is not perfect, then again, which app ever is. It’s the continuous development along with the requested features that will make it ‘perfect’. A success of a software doesn’t depend on how advance the code or the tool is, it’s when the user says “I like this software. It helps me alot in my day to day tasks. I use it everyday”. Now wouldn’t that something every developers would want to hear. You’ve developed a small app still using PHP with every page you have to mysql_connect at the top but everyone in your bahagian/seksyen/jabatan/etc depends on it, I will say to you – you rock!

For you men of real martians, you get to feed you ego. Ya ya everyone will know you as the so and so contributor, you have stories to tell to you fellow colleagues and later on your kids, you get to brag, and sometimes you can make some money out of it even though open source is not really about money. Just be careful, ego too big will cut your life short. Too small it’s a turn off ok. And girls, this is the time for us to rise and show the world what we’ve got. There’s so many of us graduating in IT/CS in Malaysia, alot working in the government as IT Officers – where are you? Get in here ladies. First step: join FOSSchix.my.

I think what could stop them from sharing apps even if we have this kind of sourceforge is they probably think if they share it, they’ll lose ownership of it. Pride. One of the deadliest sin – seems the deadlier it is the more people has it. Or they think if they share their app, they’ll share their confidential info too. Hmmpphh… shows how much open source education is needed. Lack of understanding and exposure is one item we still have to beat and it’s not going to be easy.

Ooohh didn’t mean to write this long. Just feeling bad for the people I helped today – it’s better if they can just browse and download and install.

I knew I had to finish up some stuff this weekend but I kept on delaying it until the last minute, this very wee hour. You know what I did the whole weekend? Friday night, I was out with family. Saturday, the whole day I spent watching tv – you don’t know how tv-deprived I was. Saturday nite, I can’t remember what I did actually. On Sunday, I woke up really late doing stuff I don’t remember what the night before. I didn’t go straight to work, instead I went cleaning up my room, rearranged and refolding clothes, took a long shower (my heater is broken! isk), watched some more tv, watched some dvd’s, well until it was 11. I went to play games after that (that expert level on Majesty rox). Made some coffee, grilled some fish, downloaded some music, then only I started looking at the work I was supposed to do. It was 2am.

Why did I procastinate?

On a side note, have to work on FOSSchix.my soon. I don’t think any meeting can be held before that FOSS meetup. So sad, there’s something coming up on 3 – 5 Dec. Damn you government for holding so many events and what’s that star rating.

I need internet access at home now! Mati kutu betul lah.

We need to move out of the house by the end of July – courtesy of self-centeredness of niece of the landlord. Sangat sangat sakit hati ok. She’s already settled and cosy one level below us. Anyway, lantakla dia. When she moves in, rumah tu akan jadi kosong. All kitchen appliances are not your uncle’s lah, please. Astro and everything there are all ours – so toksah berangan sangat nak lepak on the sofa after tiring hours at work sambil goyang kaki menonton siaran Astro Ria tu ye. Get your own, that and the fridge and stove and everything. Rumah bersih sebab kitorang jaga lah. Macam mana korang jaga rumah korang sampai pintu bilik boleh terkopak. Blok baru jek naik setahun, apasal cepat sangat tombol tercabut. Ganasnyer anak dara.

Kalau balik rumah tak penah mengemas sebab tu lah rumah berhabuk, barang bersepah sana-sini. Dinding putih pun boleh jadi kelabu.  Takyah susah-susah letak tiles kat lantai kalau nak rumah kemas. Lantai simen pun kalau letak tikar getah, dijaga baik-baik, rumah pun nampak bersih.

Huh.

Tensen aku.

Thank god I didn’t get that man to fix the phone wires or hati akan panas jek bila tengok orang takde timbang rasa dapat kemudahan free-free. A hunch not to get streamyx cepat-cepat awal tahun dulu is not just a hunch. Ada sebab rupanyer.

Sape-sape tau ada rumah available for 3 of us (we are clean and neat people), let me know okay. Within reasonable driving distance from Putrajaya/Cyberjaya. Move in early August.

Aaaaaaaa satu keje plak nak kena cari rumah lain!

Anyway, my head hurts like hell today. Was considering taking the day off but decided against it. I don’t really like taking MC actually. The hassle of going to the clinic and all. Why can’t I just get online and order my prescription? Maybe some AI can check my eyes if I’m really sick or just trying to get off work. Somebody should invent that. Sick people should stay where they belong to be: bed at home or comfortable couch snuggling, watching favorite tv shows.

I’m just babbling here. Maybe today I can get off work on time and go to bed early tonight.

It’s raining and I have a feeling my head will get worse.

I like it better when I was living with Adda and Siti. Among our conversations:

- “Weh alang-alang ko dah masak, masak banyak2 sket”
- “Alamak sos tiram dah abes, ko tolong beli”
- “Tolong tapau nasi katok satu aaa, aku malas kuar”
- “Aku amek sket paper ko”

We were free to say anything at each other. While not being rude, it felt better when I had the freedom to express myself to them. The good thing was that we understand one another, maybe not too well but well enough to know when to say things and how to say it, when to take advantage and when not to (lalalalala), so on and so forth. It’s great to live with people who like we say ‘tak berkira’. These kind of people usually kind hearted and generous and considerate and it’s unfortunate if they ever fall under manipulative jerks (I pray for you guys not to). Siti and Adda are examples of people who do give and take well. I am proud to call them my friends.

Now back to current events, my housemates, I believe they have some sort of shield or something. Maybe because we hardly know each other so they build their guards up so high. I find myself have to think the words I should say to them before even saying it. 1) I’m afraid of what they may think of me since I got misunderstood all the time, 2) I’m not sure even if they want me to say something. Ugh I’m so bad at socialising.

That aside, we get along ok. Smiles and soft tone of voice all the time. Aiya letih!

When it comes to kitchen, it’s like we have 3 sets of eveything – garam, gula, minyak etc etc. Bila pikir balik, kelakar la pulak idup camni. I mean, obviously barang tu dah ada, takyah le beli lain. Dah abis kang baru la beli ye tak. Mungkin diorang tak sure lagi kot masing2 macam mana pasal barang dapur ni but obviously you can always ask lah – “Saya tengok garam dah ada, awak punya ke? Kalau nak guna untuk masak boleh? Dah abis karang saya beli lain la”. See how we still on saya-awak term, so very the schema still hehehehehe.

Dapur tu kecik je tapi barang banyak. Adeiiii penin. Funny what life throws at you sometimes. Well at least diorang ok so I think I’ll be ok.

Ask any children in the US about who they want to be when they grow up. Most of them would answer an astronaut or a waitress (I don’t know why they like waitresses) or a millionaire. Ask a malaysian children, standard answer should be doctor, teacher, lawyer, accountant or an architect. When asked you don’t want to be an astronaut?? Astro-what? They would fire you back. Now suddenly everyone wants to be an astronaut.

That’s actually good, I have nothing againts it. What bugs me is the kesedaran masyarakat itself about the existence and the possibility of such height is actually achievable. Why now? Why not 10 years ago? When all the hype and the glamour hits you then suddenly you want to be it. See the typical malaysian attitude here? Sudah terjatuh baru tergadah or something like that.

While I’m proud to see a malaysian flag on the astronaut uniform, I’m so dissapointed at the role we play in the arena. I’d like to see a qualified malaysian flight engineer or a qualified malaysian scientist up there in the space. Not just some people doing experiments on behalf of other people just because other people can’t go but he can.

I believe he is a smart man. He’s a doctor for pete’s sake. He’s the chosen one among thousand others. Of course he went through that rigorous selection process. So that shows he deserves to go. Maybe this is a good first step towards space exploration for Malaysia.

But I already heard there’s a plan of sending a second malaysian to go next time. And the amount of money they’re going to spend – RM100mil ok. That much for one person. He better be an engineer or scientist, qualified by a known reputable institution. Meaning he takes all the test and passes, so baru la betul berdiri sama tinggi, duduk sama rendah. Bila other qualified astronauts saying things behind our back, then kita boleh back up. Ini sibuk dok compare dengan negara yang less developed, or negara yang tak penah hantar orang ke space. Seriously speaking lah kan, if you want to do a comparison, compare yourself with a better one so you will strive better. Kalau compare dengan orang yang lagi kurang, sampai sudah tak abes-abes megah sorang-sorang ye tak.

Just now visited someone in HTAR Klang. The condition there ya rabbiiiiiiiiii… punya la padat sampai tempat untuk one bed boleh share for four! Haaa RM100mil tu kalau diguna untuk expand hospital bagus jugak. Upgrade sikit part toilet untuk visitors tuh. Tak pun bagi better pay for the medical practitioners so takde la muka diorang asik masam jek sebab kena keja on weekend. Tak pun kalau nak guna jugak untuk alam maya space tu, start sponsoring bright students to study at NASA boleh? I think they didn’t sponsor students to study aerospace before because the lack of job opportunities here. So if they sponsor still, the students won’t come back and work here so that’s considered a waste of money… so they opt for medics instead. Betul tak teori ni?

Oh mannn… I’m so tired and really need to go to bed. I’m feeling so malas to buat keje and sooooo penat (just got back from Pahang) but have to force myself switch on this notebook and in the effort of not switching it off back, I’ve been cursing dalam diam and lamenting so loudly so everyone in the house can hear me and know how malas and tired I am right now and they all advise me to just to go sleep – work can start tomorrow but against my own will my hands and my eyes have been awaken by a dose of caffeine. What can I do? Everything should be ready by tomorrow for testing. I have only 2 hands and can be at one place at a time. It is well known that I might not sleep at all tonight getting the job done. It should’ve been completed if it’s not because of cuti raya and raya party at the office and this stupid *tooooot* keep on and on and on weighing myself down.

Oh well. I’m feeling sleepy.

Ooohh I love how a cake batter smells. That’s how a home should smell like.